ER

9+3 today. I woke up with no pregnancy symptoms, no nausea, no tender breasts, no sore nipples! On top of this I felt sharp pain on the right side aroud my hip, and sore lower back. I panicked so I called the hospital. The nurse said that because there is pain I best to come in for a scan.

After a quick shower and an ever quicker breakfast we went in (15-20 minutes walk, and I felt for taking a walk). It was noon when we arrived. There were only 3 couple waiting. Urine sample, chat with the nurse, blood pressure and temperature measuring, some data entry and we found ourselves waiting for the doctor to perform the ultrasound scan.

Then she came but shortly she was beeped away and she stayed away for long. I was just sitting there, I felt fine (apart from the waves of pain on my side) and terrified that my symptoms are gone. We took a long walk yesterday, we ate in a restaurant and the evening was pleasant for me, I wasn't so nauseous.

We were waiting, waiting, more people came, and the crowd got bigger. Most of us were patient but some of us were not. Then the doctor came back and she called me in.

I jumped right on the bed beside the ultrasound device and the next second the cold jelly was on my belly. I couldn't take my eyes of the monitor and I caught a glimpse of BabyBunny. He was there. It wasn't empty like last time. He was lying on his back. The doctor pressed the head of the device so hard that I had to tell her she is hurting. Then she pointed to the monitor and said there is the heartbeat, can you see? Tears filled in my eyes. Bunny's there, Bunny is alive! Strong heartbeat, she said. The pressing woke him up, he started to move and I was weeping. I wish I had looked at DH face to see his reaction but I just could not take my eyes off the screen. She measured 10w1d but she said the dating scan will be more precise. Good news, Bunny is not smaller.

She gave us a picture, Bunny's first picture! We waited four and a half hours but it's worth every minute. It's real! It is not just guessing anymore. We are officially parents-to-be. DH was smiling for all the rest of the evening.

"If you can see the baby's heart beating on the sonogram after 7 weeks, your chances of continuing with the pregnancy are greater than 97 percent."

The last chapter

Another fine morning... Early this morning I woke up to cramps or contractions, I wasn't sure. It came less frequently but lasted longer and was stronger than the day before. It was more tense and tightening. I could manage it for a half an hour only, but couldn't bear it any longer, so I made a warm bath again but it did not help this time, did not ease the pain like before. I spent almost two hours in the water. It was literally a blood bath at the end. DH woke up so I asked for tequila again. After that I could relax, I went almost numb, it has eased finally.

After my nice, long (and well deserved) morning sleep we had breakfast (DH stayed at home with me). Around midday another wave of pain struck. Harder and more painful than ever. I decided to take one of the prescribed tablets (Diclac 75 mg - Diclofenac Sodium) instead of my home remedy tequila. I withdrew again into the bathroom for a warm bath. Needless to say, it did not help. The pill seemed useless too but I did not dare to send sips of booze after it so I just suffered. I couldn't find any position to make it tolerable when the pain struck. It came stronger and stronger and lasted for longer and longer. Yesterday the doctor said if I do not feel comfortable at home I can come in. Well, this was way beyond my lack of comfort. It was unbearable so I said to DH that this is it, I cannot bear it any longer and decided to go in.

It looked like a good decision but I almost couldn't get out of the bath when the pain struck. I managed it to the toilet. I had to pee and poo urgently. Then I found a strange thing when I wiped myself. It wasn't just dark blood, it was roughly around 2 cm and had round edges. Could it be the sac, I thought. No, it was the mucus plug!

I managed to put on some clothes then we caught a taxi and were in the hospital by 2mp. There was/were only one or two girls waiting. Shortly a nurse came out, I told her that I am having a miscarriage right now and I am in a lot of pain. She said that there is one person before me so told me to get my chart from the EPAU. Bent in half I managed to toddle to the assistant's room. "Out to lunch" sign. Great! Quarter of an hour we waited, then came the nurse looking for me and told us to go and queue at the check-in window and ask for my chart there because the doctor cannot see me without my chart. Go? Queue?? I could die here, woman!

We went and queued. The girl at the other end of the window went for it right away (I must looked like dying). I had my chart, I had my pain, tears were rolling down my cheeks. And the nurse? She was chatting in the corridor with another nurse. Suddenly I felt something is going down, blood, a lot of blood. I went to the toilet and then a big ball fell out right away. It was so big that if I would put my palms together to form a bowl it would fill it. A big ball of dark red blood. And the pain went away at the same time. I was relieved. I felt myself easy and light weighted. I reached for toilet paper. There was non. I started to laugh. Then realized the situation is far from funny. I heard girls talking so I asked them to hand some toilet paper for me. All other boxes were empty too. I was laughing loud. Eventually someone found someone who could bing some.

The pain wen away, far away. We been waiting for another 5-10 minutes for the nurse then she came, measured my blood pressure, my temperature and something else on my index finger. She asked why I came, what is the problem. Problem? Oh nothing really, I just miscarried, here, on my feet, while chasing my chart. But I did not say the words, I stayed nice. Started to talk about the events that began three weeks ago, then went on with the last night's action, the today's morning and noon battle, and finished with what just happened ten minutes ago. She looked absent-minded while listening and taking notes. I had to repeat a few. Then she asked questions: What was the colour of it exactly? Was there white in it? Do you have it? Dark red. I do not know, it happened so fast that I only glimpsed the rough colour and the rough size of it. No, I do not have it! She said that it seems it is over, it happened, and the doctor will see me shortly there is one person before me.

Quarter past three I was in the ER at last. I couldn't catch the doctor's name or maybe she didn't say. She was bored and disinterested. It was hard to pick up any thread of communication with her. She said she will do an internal scan but did an external eventually. She checked the cervix as well. The cervix closed already and the sac was absent in my uterus. It is over, she said. The thickness of my uterus measured 1.6 or 16. When I asked, she said that's good.

After I got off the examination table I sat down beside her at the table. She looked at me with surprise and said you can go now. I was even more surprised with this statement. Go?? What to expect in the coming days? Do I need another check? I asked. It will ease, she replied. I said I have an appointment with the EPAU on Wednesday, she said I don't need that. I thanked for her time and we left. Yesterday I had the best but today the worst shift (it just wasn't my day). Well, I need and want someone who shows more interest and tells me what next. I will go to that EPAU appointment what I have already.

This is the end of my first pregnancy. It lasted for 13 weeks and 6 days, in other words for 97 days, or for 3 months and 6 days.