ER

9+3 today. I woke up with no pregnancy symptoms, no nausea, no tender breasts, no sore nipples! On top of this I felt sharp pain on the right side aroud my hip, and sore lower back. I panicked so I called the hospital. The nurse said that because there is pain I best to come in for a scan.

After a quick shower and an ever quicker breakfast we went in (15-20 minutes walk, and I felt for taking a walk). It was noon when we arrived. There were only 3 couple waiting. Urine sample, chat with the nurse, blood pressure and temperature measuring, some data entry and we found ourselves waiting for the doctor to perform the ultrasound scan.

Then she came but shortly she was beeped away and she stayed away for long. I was just sitting there, I felt fine (apart from the waves of pain on my side) and terrified that my symptoms are gone. We took a long walk yesterday, we ate in a restaurant and the evening was pleasant for me, I wasn't so nauseous.

We were waiting, waiting, more people came, and the crowd got bigger. Most of us were patient but some of us were not. Then the doctor came back and she called me in.

I jumped right on the bed beside the ultrasound device and the next second the cold jelly was on my belly. I couldn't take my eyes of the monitor and I caught a glimpse of BabyBunny. He was there. It wasn't empty like last time. He was lying on his back. The doctor pressed the head of the device so hard that I had to tell her she is hurting. Then she pointed to the monitor and said there is the heartbeat, can you see? Tears filled in my eyes. Bunny's there, Bunny is alive! Strong heartbeat, she said. The pressing woke him up, he started to move and I was weeping. I wish I had looked at DH face to see his reaction but I just could not take my eyes off the screen. She measured 10w1d but she said the dating scan will be more precise. Good news, Bunny is not smaller.

She gave us a picture, Bunny's first picture! We waited four and a half hours but it's worth every minute. It's real! It is not just guessing anymore. We are officially parents-to-be. DH was smiling for all the rest of the evening.

"If you can see the baby's heart beating on the sonogram after 7 weeks, your chances of continuing with the pregnancy are greater than 97 percent."

The last chapter

Another fine morning... Early this morning I woke up to cramps or contractions, I wasn't sure. It came less frequently but lasted longer and was stronger than the day before. It was more tense and tightening. I could manage it for a half an hour only, but couldn't bear it any longer, so I made a warm bath again but it did not help this time, did not ease the pain like before. I spent almost two hours in the water. It was literally a blood bath at the end. DH woke up so I asked for tequila again. After that I could relax, I went almost numb, it has eased finally.

After my nice, long (and well deserved) morning sleep we had breakfast (DH stayed at home with me). Around midday another wave of pain struck. Harder and more painful than ever. I decided to take one of the prescribed tablets (Diclac 75 mg - Diclofenac Sodium) instead of my home remedy tequila. I withdrew again into the bathroom for a warm bath. Needless to say, it did not help. The pill seemed useless too but I did not dare to send sips of booze after it so I just suffered. I couldn't find any position to make it tolerable when the pain struck. It came stronger and stronger and lasted for longer and longer. Yesterday the doctor said if I do not feel comfortable at home I can come in. Well, this was way beyond my lack of comfort. It was unbearable so I said to DH that this is it, I cannot bear it any longer and decided to go in.

It looked like a good decision but I almost couldn't get out of the bath when the pain struck. I managed it to the toilet. I had to pee and poo urgently. Then I found a strange thing when I wiped myself. It wasn't just dark blood, it was roughly around 2 cm and had round edges. Could it be the sac, I thought. No, it was the mucus plug!

I managed to put on some clothes then we caught a taxi and were in the hospital by 2mp. There was/were only one or two girls waiting. Shortly a nurse came out, I told her that I am having a miscarriage right now and I am in a lot of pain. She said that there is one person before me so told me to get my chart from the EPAU. Bent in half I managed to toddle to the assistant's room. "Out to lunch" sign. Great! Quarter of an hour we waited, then came the nurse looking for me and told us to go and queue at the check-in window and ask for my chart there because the doctor cannot see me without my chart. Go? Queue?? I could die here, woman!

We went and queued. The girl at the other end of the window went for it right away (I must looked like dying). I had my chart, I had my pain, tears were rolling down my cheeks. And the nurse? She was chatting in the corridor with another nurse. Suddenly I felt something is going down, blood, a lot of blood. I went to the toilet and then a big ball fell out right away. It was so big that if I would put my palms together to form a bowl it would fill it. A big ball of dark red blood. And the pain went away at the same time. I was relieved. I felt myself easy and light weighted. I reached for toilet paper. There was non. I started to laugh. Then realized the situation is far from funny. I heard girls talking so I asked them to hand some toilet paper for me. All other boxes were empty too. I was laughing loud. Eventually someone found someone who could bing some.

The pain wen away, far away. We been waiting for another 5-10 minutes for the nurse then she came, measured my blood pressure, my temperature and something else on my index finger. She asked why I came, what is the problem. Problem? Oh nothing really, I just miscarried, here, on my feet, while chasing my chart. But I did not say the words, I stayed nice. Started to talk about the events that began three weeks ago, then went on with the last night's action, the today's morning and noon battle, and finished with what just happened ten minutes ago. She looked absent-minded while listening and taking notes. I had to repeat a few. Then she asked questions: What was the colour of it exactly? Was there white in it? Do you have it? Dark red. I do not know, it happened so fast that I only glimpsed the rough colour and the rough size of it. No, I do not have it! She said that it seems it is over, it happened, and the doctor will see me shortly there is one person before me.

Quarter past three I was in the ER at last. I couldn't catch the doctor's name or maybe she didn't say. She was bored and disinterested. It was hard to pick up any thread of communication with her. She said she will do an internal scan but did an external eventually. She checked the cervix as well. The cervix closed already and the sac was absent in my uterus. It is over, she said. The thickness of my uterus measured 1.6 or 16. When I asked, she said that's good.

After I got off the examination table I sat down beside her at the table. She looked at me with surprise and said you can go now. I was even more surprised with this statement. Go?? What to expect in the coming days? Do I need another check? I asked. It will ease, she replied. I said I have an appointment with the EPAU on Wednesday, she said I don't need that. I thanked for her time and we left. Yesterday I had the best but today the worst shift (it just wasn't my day). Well, I need and want someone who shows more interest and tells me what next. I will go to that EPAU appointment what I have already.

This is the end of my first pregnancy. It lasted for 13 weeks and 6 days, in other words for 97 days, or for 3 months and 6 days.

Sunday, bloody Sunday

More cramps around 8 am, strong, period-like ones with more thick, dark coloured, viscous blood. The pain went away again after half an hour or so.

We were grocery shopping when around 6 pm severe pain hit me in the lower abdomen. It lasted for about 20 seconds then it eased off but returned every 3 to 5 minutes. I experienced nothing like this before. I felt it coming and getting stronger. When we arrived home the pad was totally soaked. I made a nice warm bath. I asked for some tequila (the only alcohol around the house at the mo.) instead of painkillers. DH decided to rather wait outside. I did not blame him, men have no experience of monthly bleeding, I am sure it freaks them out. The water was so nice with the sips of tequila. Then I thought I would call the hospital and ask is this how it should happen? When I said I am 13+5 today the nurse in the ER said that I should go in for a check. I was sorry to leave my nice bath. The pain eased off only the bleeding remained heavy.

The nurse took all my details from, the very beginning (address, mobile number, date of birth, LMP, and here came the fun part: 5th of January, I said, and the nurse in response to this: 19XX??)

In the ER (after my 'very detailed' explanation of the whole story starting with first ER visit 3 weeks ago, yeah, I talk too much when I am scared, or maybe the tequila made me talkative) a young doctor did a cervix check and an internal scan. She was nice and gentle. The cervix was still closed and the sac was still there but it started to come off she said. She gave a detailed explanation of the missed miscarriage thing (this type is very common) and of the current events (the pain was contraction pain). She said it will happen in the next 2-3 days. There will be pain, there will be blood (sounded like a threat). She prescribed an anti-inflammatory painkiller and said if I cannot manage the pain or the blood at home I can come back anytime. She was explanative and very patient towards all my questions. I think all doctors should be attentive, careful and mindful like Amie/Amy!

By the end of examination all my contractions went away so we had a nice walk home. It felt so good to breathe in the unusual warm air.

12 weeks in a nutshell

05 Jan - LMP
17/18 Jan - ovulation (?)
27 Jan - smear test
31 Jan - period due
01 Fed - two positive home pregnancy tests
07 Feb - GP confirmation (EDD: 11.10.2011), Flu Vaccine;
12 Feb - 51.3 kg (no boots, no jacket)
21 Feb - skin start to get loose on both thumbs
23 Feb - appetite loss, queasiness, nausea starts;
07 Mar - GP (loose skin, peeling fingertips on all of them), Emollient cream & wash;
13 Mar - toes start to peel
17 Mar - loose skin on both heels (where they touch the floor);
18 Mar - 1 am fresh blood, 8 am ER scan, empty sac;
21 Mar - EPAU scan, empty sac;
24 Mar - pm brown discharge
25 Mar - from 2 am to 4 am period like cramping
27 Mar - 54.7 kg (but with shoes and jacket on)
25/30 Mar - dark brown discharge (my period would due now for this month);
31 Mar - EPAU second scan, empty sac, anembryonic pregnancy;
01 Apr - waiting to miscarry naturally

Bleeding / ER

I have a situation here. Very early this morning (around 1 am) we where sitting at the table playing a card game when I felt something is passing through, fluid going down. I though this is just some vaginal discharge (it increased slightly in the past few weeks). Then again, and again, and again!! And when I went to the toilet my heart almost stopped. It was fresh, bright blood all over. Out of the blue! No signs, no warning. So I called the hospital immediately. The midwife said that I can come in right away but if I want a proper scan I should come after 8 am as their scan not so correct in the Emergency Room, but at 8 am a doctor will do a better, more precise one. I said OK, I'll go at 8 because what is the point to have a not so reliable scan at 1:30 am and wait for another one till 8 am.

I didn't sleep much as you guess. Woke up a 7 and was in the hospital at 7:30. There was no one in the Emergency Room until 8. Then a midwife took my details, checked my dates (LMP), measured blood pressure, body temperature. I explained my complaint, she took notes. I presented even the supplements I take. She was not so pleased and asked me why I take so many. So many, I asked. I take only prenatal vitamin and pregnancy Omega-3-6. Probiotics are just for good digestion. She said go natural as possible. Lot's of fruit. All I need. That's interesting.

I gave a pee sample and waited for a doctor. She scanned me at 9:30. She saw the sac but there was no foetus or heartbeat! She did an internal scan too, but again just an empty sac, no foetus, no heartbeat. I considered my bleeding heavy as I used up 4 or 5 pads but she said 'not so bad'. She said that my cervix is fully closed (she checked it with a plastic tube but she was so brute I started to cry from pain she gave me, it hurt like hell). Se said (probably for at least 10 times) that this scan is not good and she is not an expert. So she referred me to a doctor (I thought I was seeing a doctor with a good scan) to the EPU (Early Pregnancy Unit). The doctor (the 'expert senior' as the assistant called him) saw my papers and said to come back on Monday because no point to scan me again as I been scanned already. Yeah, scanned with a crap!

The new midwife was so nice and kind. She came to us afterwards and said that after the internal scan I will bleed more. She made me even more scared, although she ment to prepare me.

No pain, no cramping, not passing any cloth just bright red blood. No heartbeat, no foetus just an empty sac and a closed cervix. I am 10+3 today.