Today was the day. I didn't sleep much. Who could?! I had the second scan (internal) @ the EPAU this morning. The gestational sac was 'still' empty, furthermore it shrank in size. 10 day ago it was over 24 mm (nearly 25), now measuring 22 mm only. The doctor said it should be around 35 mm by now (it grows at a rate of about 1 mm a day). Furthermore the blood next to the sac doubled in size (looked to me). Doctor said my body already started to realize the inevitable (he said the same thing 10 days ago). I am 12+2 today.
The diagnosis is: 'missed miscarriage'. I thought a MMC means when the foetus dies but the body goes on as if the foetus is viable, in other words, the pregnancy ends with the death of the foetus. He said that previously they called it an 'anembryonic pregnancy' but it sounded not nice so now they just call it a missed miscarriage. Sounded not nice? Do you understand this reasoning?
He said this type for miscarriage is common in first pregnancy.
An anembryonic pregnancy is when the baby just does not develop beyond implantation, no yolk sac, no embryo. It is due to a chromosomal abnormality (possibly related to trisomies 16 and 22 ??). It may be more common in older mothers and is usually a problem with the egg rather the sperm. Approximate account for 45 to 55% of all miscarriages. Nothing can be done to prevent.
He said I have 3 options: 1. waiting to miscarry naturally; 2. medication; 3. surgery. I asked which one would he recommend. He said he cannot make any recommendation as the body is mine. Suggestion? No, he can't do that either. How do I choose then, I asked? I have to decide, he said. All of them equally safe. Just great! Surgery is out of the question! I would accept it as a very, very last solution only (10% chance for infection and 40% chance for a scar inside? no, thanks). I said if there is no risk in waiting then I want to wait it out, pass the sac naturally. No drugs, no surgery. I want to avoid the possible side effects and complications from medication and surgery.
He agreed. He wouldn't let me go if he would think it's not safe, would he? He said I have to be prepared as no one knows when or where will happen. Over 60% of women miscarry within the next 2 weeks, over 30% within the next two after that.
I asked what to expect. He said 3 periods at the same time. I wonder how would he know how a period feels like? When I asked about when we can try again he said right away after the first period.
For some reason over the past 10 days I was 'relatively' calm, maybe because I just didn't believe what I saw and heard in the ER and EPAU. I do not believe it even know. Or I just don't want to believe it? I pictured this pregnancy as a perfectly timed, spring is here, summer is coming, nice maternity clothes, baby going to be 3 month by Christmas... The reality is I am 33 in 3 months time.
On the way home something came at me and started to cry hysterically on the street. By the time I arrived home I was reasonable again. I went to the pharmacy, bought 2 packs of Maxi Night pads. The pharmacist was so nice and kind. She recommended these. I have a box of Paracetamol too. I cannot say I am prepared or ready. Actually I am very, very scared. No one seems to know how much blood, and how much pain I should expect.
Does it sound very cruel when I say that if this pregnancy meant to end in miscarriage I am pleased that there is no dead baby inside of me? I would not have the strength to see my dead baby passing through. I just could not take it.
No one knows in our family that I am (or I just was??) expecting. They are expecting us for Easter. We wanted to send them the scan-picture by post first before we arrive. Now we have to tell them that I am waiting to miscarry thus we cannot make it home for Easter.
