Thursday, March 24, 2011

Just waiting

I guess the doctor thinks or hopes that in these 10 days I will miscarry naturally. I don't know how would be the best, cos my breasts still hurt, no appetite at all, feels like pregnant all the time, just like before the Friday bleeding (which lasted less than 24 hours). I don't know how can be the sac empty and me feeling so pregnant and going this far, I am 11w+2d today, still nauseous all day long.

I do not know what I am more afraid of the pain, the heavy blood (they say will come and when it comes few towels will needed), the scar (40% chance if D&C, plus 10% chance for infection) or the time of waiting to get ready to try again.

What if the scan next Thu will show no life, no growth and my cervix is still fully closed, will they force to open it?!?

I am trying to put fears and bad thoughts out of my mind, and not thinking until next scan, of course I hope for my miracle, as my body telling me that "we" are pregnant but maybe both of us been fooled. How can a body be fooled?

Oh, this day going to be just as bad as Mon and Tue, badly nauseous. Good thing or bad thing, will see next Thu.

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